How Can You Communicate to a Loved One That You Think They Have Relapsed?

Watching a loved one experience a substance use disorder (SUD) is a truly heartbreaking experience. You may feel helpless and not know how to help properly.

Unfortunately, watching a loved one go through a relapse can be a similar experience that causes much distress for everyone involved. Despite these unpleasant feelings, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. In carefully confronting your loved one about their relapse, you can help them get back on track and find healing. 

What Do I Say?

It is important to recognize how delicate of a situation a relapse truly is. Before ever saying something to your loved one, you must first take the time to consider all of the troubling emotions they must be experiencing upon relapsing. After realizing the repercussions of their actions, they may experience the following:

  • Fear

  • Anguish

  • Disappointment

  • Meaningless

  • Anger

  • Fatigue

  • Depression

  • Anxiety

Due to all of these feelings, they may be in a very delicate mental state after relapsing. The odds are that they are aware of their wrongdoing and are even ashamed of it. This feeling of shame can cause them to try and hide their relapse so that no one else knows. 

Therefore, confronting your loved one about their relapse needs to be done with the utmost care and thoughtfulness. Once you have taken into consideration your loved one's feelings, you can begin planning out what to say and how to say it. 

When crafting what to say to your loved one, remember to use kind, sympathetic words that clearly demonstrate your feelings and intentions. Doing so can help them know that you are not attacking or judging them and simply are concerned. Consider saying the following "I" phrases:

  • I have noticed your recent behaviors and am worried about you. Is there some way I can help?

  • I love you a lot and just want to make sure you are safe and well. How are you doing lately?

  • Lately, I have been thinking about you. I want you to know that I am here for you no matter what.

  • I really value our relationship, and lately, I have been concerned about some of your behaviors.

  • I am here to support you in any way I can. Is there anything I can do for you?

  • I know that this may be a hard time for you right now, but I want to remind you that everything will be okay.

The important thing is to never be accusatory because that often makes the person feel worse and may even have the opposite effect. Choose your words carefully, and be sure to convey all of your thoughts in a calm, understanding manner to make them feel safe. Speak softly and at an even pace so that they can know they are not under attack and respond defensively. 

Remind them and show them that you are coming from a place of genuine concern and care. This can help them realize that you are not judging them and only want the best for them. In this way, you can help give them a safe space to open up about their relapse and begin the next steps to continued care and recovery.

Relapse is not the end; it is a new beginning. When in doubt, do not hesitate to remind your loved one how wonderful they are and how much they are capable of. Their relapse will not hold them back. Instead, they can use it as a way to help them grow even stronger.

What if I Can't Confront Them by Myself?

It is always best to seek the help of trained professionals when confronting a loved one about their relapse. These individuals can help stage an intervention for your loved one. During an intervention, a recovery coach, therapist, or other trained professional will facilitate and direct calm, effective communication. This type of controlled and organized communication can help you effectively communicate with your loved one while also ensuring safety for everyone involved. 

These individuals can make sure your loved one is encouraged rather than beaten down. They need to know that their relapse is not a failure. Instead, it is a chance for them to start anew. A fresh start is exciting and can motivate them to be who they want to be. It can even motivate them to develop new, fun, personalized goals that inspire them. 

It is okay not to know how to confront your loved one about their relapse. Relapses can be devasting, especially for the person experiencing one. That is why it is incredibly important to reach out to trained professionals who know how to stage interventions that help you confront your loved ones. It is much better to reach out to trained professionals than attempt to confront your loved one alone. In doing so, you run the risk of making them feel worse without meaning to. To avoid such a circumstance, reach out to licensed professionals to help talk you through how an intervention may be staged and catered to the specific needs of your loved one. Doing so can help them find peace and healing.

When a loved one relapses, you may experience a wide range of emotions including worry and sadness. While acknowledging these emotions is important, it is equally as important to acknowledge how your loved one is feeling. Before attempting to reach out to them about their addiction, try empathizing with them, and practicing kind, heartfelt things to say to them. They also need to be reminded that this is not a failure. Instead, it is a new beginning. It is important to remain calm and kind when addressing this topic. If you need help confronting your loved one about their relapse, consider reaching out to Next Level Recovery Associates. We have many professionals who can either help stage an intervention, conduct a family therapy session, or simply speak to you about the situation. Whatever you and your loved one need, we can help. Contact us at consult@nextlevelra.com today.

Monte Cristo Staffcommunicate, loved one, relapsed